20 Years Young.
I want to spend the rest of my life with this boy. Sometimes thinking this kills me because what if he doesn’t really want the same thing. I don’t expect him to want to put up with the things that bother me on a daily basis. Believe me I know they get annoying. Worrying and having anxiety is not the funnest thing to go through, especially when you don’t know what causes it. So far he has been really understanding. I often wonder when that will end. I try and put on a front that my anxiety and depression stuff has disappeared. He’s good at knowing when something is bothering me though. I’ll always just say “I’m fine” thinking that will work, and that maybe I’ll actually believe it enough that it comes true. I don’t think things work that way. My biggest fear is my anxiety and depression will drive him away, he knows that. I just wished I could be more open about my anxiety and depression with him. I feel that it is getting worse and worse everyday, almost to the point of where it used to be but if I just talked to him about it instead of hiding it, it would make it a little better. My anxiety and depression scare me. When I’m under an attack I feel like nothing could physically hurt me more then the way I am already feeling. I know he would listen to anything I wanted to tell him, one of the many reasons why I love him! But I feel like if I talk to him about it, he either wont understand why I feel this way, or he will I’m just being stupid. See I’m always worrying, #anxietyprobz. I know he will try his hardest to understand, he is the only person to even show any interest in helping/understanding me with my problems.Why am I worrying? The smallest things get to me, I hate it, but its part of it. No I don’t enjoy getting mad over stupid things, and making a big deal out of them, believe me, I get annoyed with myself more than anything or anyone else. I’m gonna try being more open about it, because its almost to the point where I’m scared of myself and my thoughts again. So hopefully in the future he can still understand and help me through my problems, because I can’t imagine or want anyone else being there for me, <3